Advocacy is based on a philosophy of respect, confidentiality, and support. As advocates, we hope to widen clients’ possible choices and provide the support necessary to promote safety. This respect allows each individual the right to determine the course of her or his own life.

Counseling provides brief, solution-based peer support in a one to one environment.

Crisis intervention, on the phone or in-person, to stabilize emotions, clarify issues, provide support, and explore options to meet the individual’s immediate needs.

Crisis intervention includes, but is not limited to:

• Assessing risk and/or danger
• Assessing suicide risk
• Assessment of needs
• Listening
• Establishing rapport and communication
• Validating feelings and providing support
• Identifying the major problems
• Safety planning
• Referrals
• Information about legal rights and remedies
• Exploring possible alternatives
• Formulating an action plan

Case management activities may include, but are not limited to:

• Ongoing and long-term safety planning
• Law enforcement assistance
• Referrals for legal remedies and services
• Referrals for public assistance services, including job training and support services
• Referrals for child care services and parenting education
• Referrals for alcohol and drug evaluation and education

Another abusive incident is going to happen. The best way to prepare is to have a safety plan. Think of your plan as a seatbelt. You put it on before you drive, knowing it will help keep you safe during an accident.

It may seem overt, but it is important to remember that in moments of crisis, the brain functions differently than when it is calm. Having a safety plan ready to go can help protect yourself in those stressful moments.

A good way to create a safety plan is to speak with a trained domestic violence advocate. To speak with a SafePlace advocate, call (712) 258-7233.

A safety plan will prompt you to think about where you can go temporarily to be safe and consider the next steps. The next steps may include acquiring an order of protection, breaking a lease or initiating divorce proceedings. The safest option for some survivors may be to leave the home they share with their abusers, but remember, it is all up to you and what you decide is the safest and most feasible.

A safety plan is not a replacement for calling 911, filing for an order of protection or contacting a lawyer but a safety plan could involve those steps.

Step 1: Prepare

Collect evidence. If your situation allows it, keep a journal of abusive incidents (date, time, details), including threats, as well as copies of threatening or abusive emails and text messages, police reports, doctor or hospital records for help if and when you file for an order of protection or press charges against an abuser. Keep this evidence outside of your home, like a workplace, a trustworthy friend’s house or a safety deposit box.

I can keep the evidence I’ve collected or will collect, which includes:

• ______________________________

• _____________________________

• _____________________________

• _____________________________

At _____________________________ (safe place the abuser won’t find).

Have a getaway bag. This bag should be kept somewhere the abuser can’t find it like a friend’s house or workplace. It should contain important documents such as: your driver’s license, passport, birth certificate, Social Security cards, copies of financial records, your lease or deed, health insurance information, prescriptions, marriage license or divorce papers, and all similar paperwork for your children, if applicable. Other items your bag should include, if possible, is cash in case the abuser cancels credit cards or blocks you from accessing bank accounts.

I will make sure to pack the following in my getaway bag:

• ______________________________

• _____________________________

• _____________________________

• _____________________________

And will hide it at ____________________________ (safe place the abuser won’t find).

Step 2: Plan

Decide where to go. When the time comes to leave, you need to have a plan of where to go. Consider an emergency shelter, like SafePlace, a friend or family member’s house (which the location is unknown to the abuser), or if affordable, a hotel or apartment that allows you to pay in cash so the abuser cannot track you there. Consider getting a prepaid or pay-as-you-go cell phone in case the abuser can trace your cell phone.

I will be leaving_____________________________ (approximate date/time) and going to _____________________________________. I will only tell _____________________________ (trusted friend/family member/advocate) of my whereabouts.

Plan for all possibilities. You know your partner best and what abusive tactics he or she is most likely to use. The abuser may start to feel like something is different in your demeanor and become more controlling. The most dangerous time for a survivor is often when the abuser feels like he or she is losing control. Prepare for all possibilities by thinking about different scenarios that could happen to you and what you will do. For example, if an abuser always shuts the bedroom door before, he or she becomes violent, can you unlock a window ahead of time, given you’re on the ground floor, and exit through it when this starts? If an abuser threatens to keep or harm your children or pets if you leave, can you make sure they’re in a safe place before you leave, such as taking them to a trusted relative’s house? Can you create a code word that, if you say it in front of your children, they’ll know to run next door to the neighbor’s house and call 911?

I know my partner is likely to use the following tactics to control me and keep me from leaving:

• _____________________________

• _____________________________

• ____________________________

• ____________________________

To counteract these things, I will prepare by doing the following:

• ______________________________

• _____________________________

• _____________________________

• _____________________________

Step 3: After you leave

Stay vigilant. After you leave an abuser, or after an abuser is forced to leave your situation, you’ll want to have safety precautions to keep you and your family safe. This might include an order of protection, alerting your place of employment and your children’s school what is going on and giving them a photo of the abuser so they can alert you if he or she comes around, using a different route to get to and from work or school, changing your schedule, taking a break from social media so the abuser is less likely to track you, and changing your phone number and making it unlisted.

After I leave, I will do the following actions to help keep myself safe:

• ______________________________

• _____________________________

• _____________________________

• _____________________________

(click here to download a printable worksheet.)

This is a basic outline and plan for leaving an abuser, but there are many things to consider when doing so.

If you or someone you know has suffered personal injury from a violent crime, the Iowa Crime Victim Compensation Program may be able to help. This program was created to help crime victims with the many costs of violent crime. It is funded entirely by fines and penalties paid by criminals.

SafePlace has advocates that are available to assist victims with filling out the compensation form. Forms are available at any SafePlace office, or from your local law enforcement of county attorney office. For more information about this program, visit the Iowa Victim Compensation Program website.

Iowa Crime Victims Compensation Program:

http://iowa.gov/government/ag/helping_victims/services/compensation_program.html

Domestic violence was eight times as high among bisexual persons (32.3 victimizations per 1,000 persons age 16 or older) and more than twice as high among lesbian or gay persons (10.3 per 1,000) as it was among straight persons (4.2 per 1,000).¹

Abusive partners in LGBTQ relationships use all the same tactics to gain power and control as abusive partners in heterosexual relationships — physical, sexual or emotional abuse, financial control, isolation and more.

But abusive partners in LGBTQ relationships also reinforce their tactics that maintain power and control with societal factors that compound the complexity a survivor faces in leaving or getting safe in an LGBTQ relationship.

¹ (2017-2020) Bureau of Justice Statistics published June, 2022 https://bjs.ojp.gov/library/publications/violent-victimization-sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity-2017-2020